Relationships

Strong relationships build slowly. There is no such thing as an instant friendship.

When a relationship goes the distance, it passes through several checkpoints.

A. Attraction. It is a positive first impression; an impression that causes us to consider the benefits and possibilities of continuing and strengthening the relationship. When attraction occurs, a hormone called Dopamine, often referred to as the “motivation molecule” is released into our bloodstream. It inspires us to see the benefits of something and “go for it.”

B. Blending. After “attraction,” our lives begin blending with others as we discover that we share common values and goals. We discover that we have certain things in common. The differences we begin discovering create an interesting sense of mystery. It appeals to us. We find reasons to meet as we enjoy the blossoming connection.

C. Conflict. Have you ever heard the second half of the statement “Opposites attract?” Here it is. “Opposites attract, then repel.” At some point in a growing relationship, one or more reasons will surface to make you consider whether you want to continue or discontinue the relationship. A lifelong relationship (a thing of enormous value) never survives because of attraction or commonality. It “goes the distance” because of the only relational glue that lasts a lifetime. Forgiveness. Two people ultimately decide to stay in relationship because they both choose to forgive those things that could separate. They reconcile. That leads us to “D.”

D. Determination. A relationship that grows in quality and survives the test of time reflects the determination of two people to do whatever is necessary to protect it. Apart from continuing to ask and receive forgiveness, they begin enjoying a transparency on various planes of life. They become increasingly self-aware and other-aware, receiving the benefit of the first law of relationship: “We accept who we understand; we reject who we don’t understand.” They become students of themselves by listening to the other. They make a project out of helping the other discover their potential in life. They have no secrets and no “no go” zones. They are a voice of encouragement at the other’s low moments.

E. Emergence. When a relationship successfully passes the preceding checkpoints, it emerges with the power of synergy. (Cambridge Dictionary: “The combined power of a group of things when they are working together that is greater than the total power achieved by each working separately.”)

The relationship has the potential of transitioning from energy to synergy.

When a relationship no longer has to spend time trouble shooting (apart from time to time maintenance) it can be the engine room of dreams and creative thinking.